Two years ago I was told that I had incurable disease and no chance of a liver transplant and here I am alive and kicking sitting on a beach writing a blog on an ipad i didnt own listening to the funky sounds of a salsa class mixed subtly with the lapping waves rolling up onto the white sandy beach a place I never thought I would ever see … Oh also with the man who has provided all this and more for me – wow – my life is so much better than it was before … Or is it ?
Has my life changed or was it just like this before but I wasn’t paying attention ?
I had always taken a pride in how fit I was and my body image was important to me but I rarely paid any attention to how I was thinking if ever.
My pace of life was fast- I liked to progress to be challenged in order to feel successful – drive a better car,
I admit that I was looking for status in life – more money, holidays and better bigger homes.
I worked 70 hours a week at one job and started to feel extremely stressed but the money was great so I continued –
This is where I started to unhinge my health
I became a puppet to my boss
I became a mental wreck
I felt out of control and envious of those around me who seemed to have so much more.
I was critical of myself and others
After breast cancer I prayed I would be spared disease – but 5 years later I developed problems and had a hysterectomy-then a Stomach Tumour grew and then the diagnosis of Incurable Cancer in my liver.
Oh heck …. At first the news was hard hitting and it was only then I knew I had to change myself from being in this spiral of bad health ….. This is where my journey of better started
As I stand on the beach I allow myself a moment of … Phew I’m here and healthy-
I’m not going to get into the diet I did and still do in this blog but the best bit
I learned to meditate – I’ve never been spiritual or religious – I know that meditation is a science and I love the way it has changed me
So here I am looking at Palm trees and turquoise sea – it’s easy here – yes because away from the stresses of life you can clear your head of chatter but the clever thing is how to do this at home – in your normal day to day life
I’m looking around me and know I’m not the fattest or thinnest the fittest or whatever – what I know is – I don’t need to waste my time being the judge of all –
The confident people are here looking very different from each other – I feel invisible – my scars don’t matter (I have a zip down my stomach) – I can embrace the differences in People without it mattering to me – I see people and know all is often not what it seems – for pain and knowledge are also like me invisible
So I take this moment to share with you the absolute fact that meditation has saved my health – made me be grateful for my wealth and best of all given me the opportunity to appreciate each moment of my life –
I want to retain a level of happiness – no matter what – I know I can cope with pain – words of others – my own self criticism and that of others
I am re- inventing myself
If you want to do the same I will just say to you – go for it – have some fun and Know you are awesome
Be You – Be Free